" Hi Kindra; I have just read your first three chapters.Very entertaining they were too. If ever there was a book suited to its chosen genres then this is it.
Having the prologue set back in the Ripper days gives this an instant touch of believability. It makes the book seem grounded in the possible rather than improbable. The gypsy twist works and sets this up nicely.
You got me with the move to the present day. I wasn't expecting that, but it worked fine. We are straight into vampire killing action and get a taste for how it feels doing it. But I thought chapter two was the standout here. The bath scene gave the reminiscing a touch more poignance and the heat from Robins body is a very unusual idea. The coffee scene and steam in the bath both added to this and gives a lot of scope for expansion. Good job. This book has great potential and I am sure will be well liked here."
1. " Kindra,
I've read through Chapter 10 and would happily read more today if I had time. The story moves along at a good pace, is entertaining and exciting with lots of mystery to keep the reader going. We learn all about what Robin is feeling as she goes about her hunting, but the story never clogs down. I think the biggest strength of your writing appears when you describe physical sensations, which is so important here because Robin feels her way through the scenes. There were many passages where I felt I was experiencing things through Robin as she observed everything around her so viscerally. It's almost like she's a nerve center moving around, touching everything, sensing everything. I'm not familiar with this genre (though I was a big fan of Buffy about twelve years ago!), but I'd guess one unique thing about your story is the roll of Gypsy folklore. I found this to be a compelling ingredient, particularly with the identification of Lilith in Chapter 10."
1. " So jack, witches vampires gypsies… man you’ve got a lot of supernatural going on here. Nicely linked though, but what will you do with all those links… hmmm. A CHANGE IN TIME AND mc? Perhaps??? Nice clinical kill and a look into our characters skill and history, but what is the secret? Nice secret, that even she doesn’t fully appreciate and nice setup with her friend Beth. The internal struggle bit was nicely played, enough so to require another chapter… OK, so nice chapter 4, the sense between the two leads (I assume) was palpable and the whole sensing thing was really the strength of your tale. You really draw the reader in through these moments, creating a tangible presense and mystery that drives the tale beyond where you began."
""I love a decent fantasy and this has a cross-fantasy feel with lots of different threads. Thought it might be too much but settld nicely and dragged me in. Lots of tension and aventure with lots to promise. Lots of shining stars fro this one and a watch listing. Good luck"