Chapter 11: A Dream’s Significance
I was in an empty field, covered with a fog that only offered the ground seclusion and almost seemed to cling to my bare feet and legs like a living creature that needed protection. I couldn’t make out my feet at all in the dense coverage of it. I was dressed in a gossamer white gown. The fabric of the dress was soft, almost like silk and was so indulgent I barely felt it brushing up against my skin as I moved through the dense fog. It wasn’t silk though. I wasn’t sure what it was but I felt like I was wearing something made out of the very thing that made up Gordon’s voice.
I had fallen asleep wrapped in his arms and covered with my thick comforter that would hold in the heat his body generated almost enough to where it would suffocate my skin, but I didn’t care. We had laid there, not speaking a word to each other, and the silence was welcome. I felt like we learned more about each other in those moments then if we had been speaking to each other for years. The way someone handles complete silence tells you more about them than anything else they could possibly do or say.
The fog was so thick that I felt like I almost had to wade through it like water which made me feel like I was going in slow motion. The temperature was very comfortable and early morning dew was hanging on the sparse trees and the trellis laced jasmine like small diamonds shining in the dim twilight. The smell reminded me so much of my mother and all I wanted to do was bask in it. My delicate mother who was taken too early from this world. The woman who created me and gave me the strength to always move on no matter how hard it may be in the beginning. I was always challenging my emotional limits because of those very lessons in rigidity and always held in feelings that would make me look weak to keep my enemies from using them against me. That was mostly a lesson I had learned from my father.
I walked to one of the trellises and touched one of the delicate flowers, the drops of dew coming off cool and slick on my fingers and it felt almost like silk. I was in perfect happiness at this moment and everything felt right. Everything was falling in place like it should and I just hoped to god it would stay that way. I picked one of the subtle flowers and held it to my nose, deeply inhaling the perfect scent that reminded me so much of my beautiful mother. The woman who taught me so many life lessons worth remembering even though she was so smothered by my domineering and cold father.
The fog started to clear and patches of yellow flowers, poppies, started bursting from the ground all around me like they had been waiting for the right time to make themselves known. I turned away from the trellis when the sun came into view and the clouds parted revealing its wonderfully brilliant light and warmth that reminded me of Gordon. The sky was a cornflower blue and so beautiful I wanted to cry from pure elation. The sun’s rays warmed my skin and the soft glow that it usually had was amplified to an almost bronze radiance like I was emitting a light all my own from the inside. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, and let out a sigh of contentment. I wasn’t going to give up on this happiness. I had no limits and I could use it to defeat whatever came my way. Even Lilith.
This was what perfect harmony felt like, wasn’t it? It had to be. I had never felt anything like it before so this had to be it. I knew this was only a dream, but I hoped to awaken with this same feeling and prayed it would never leave me in the cold and unforgiving darkness of what my life was becoming. The sunlight on my face was enough to make a silent tear escape and for a smile to cross my face. I had never felt so elated before. Almost nothing was better than this.
No matter how many horrible things came into my life I knew I treasured it for these moments. Moments like this were what life was supposed to be about and as people we have a tendency to focus on the negative and let it overwhelm the positive. This moment wasn’t real, but it felt real enough to me and I was happy to be enveloped in it even if it was just a facade. No matter what I would encounter once I awoke this would forever stick out in my mind as a moment of pure happiness. If I could find a few more moments like this when I woke up then I’d be the happiest person on the face of the planet. If I woke up and Gordon was still there lying beside me that would be all I needed. Nothing else would matter nearly as much as long as he was always there with me.
That perfect happiness when you wake up to find the love of your life still there beside you was the most perfect thing I could ever experience besides this. It would be a moment away from all the blood, sweat, and tears from leading a life like mine and turn into one filled with happiness, love, and sunshine.
As the sun beat down on me with its perfect rays I woke up to my dark bedroom, Gordon’s arm draped over me and his breathing sounded like the softest sigh, and his warmth rivaled even the suns’. It was like my mother had said a long time ago before she had gotten sick. The tiniest flickers of light give you hope, and that hope can guide you through even the darkest of paths and she was correct in saying it. Gordon was my light, but he was so much more than a flicker. He was as brilliant and warm as the sun and he was going to guide me through even the deepest blackness that could ever exist until we would emerge from it to meet a world where darkness was a distant memory.
Like he could sense I was staring at him even in his deep slumber, his eyes slowly opened and almost couldn’t adjust to the dark that threatened to overtake us. But then he focused on me and lazily beamed at me and I knew he had my heart forever no matter who else came into my life trying to change that.
I smiled back at him and took his hand in my own, locking them together like a vice so that no one could tear us apart. Not even Lilith’s darkness could take him away from me. This was perfect happiness and there was nothing more seamless than this. The darkness that was surrounding us was nothing compared to this because this was the light that was going to lead us out. Our love was the North Star and all we had to do was follow it to our salvation to a life of peace. There was nothing out there that could rival this. No blackness deep enough to swallow us to the point of no return.
“What?” he whispered as he smiled at me. I could feel the happiness pouring out of him like flood gates had been opened and there was no way to close them now. I felt like I had a Cheshire cat grin on my face that I needed to wipe clean from it before he thought I was crazy.
All I could do was shake my head. There was absolutely nothing wrong, not even with Lilith breathing down my back threatening to take my life and everything in it. I was sure he could see the longing in my eyes and feel it emanating from me as he held onto my hand like nothing else existed. “Nothing.”
He clearly didn’t believe me, but there wasn’t anything truly wrong that could ruin the moment. I could tell by the look in his eyes. Absolutely nothing was wrong. This was my happiness and nothing could spoil it. First, the most perfect dream that I could’ve ever had followed by an awakening of pure unadulterated bliss that no one could take from me. I moved in closer to him and just snuggled there hugged up against his chest. His warmth took away anything that chilled me, which at the time wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I had almost completely forgotten about Lilith and her band of worshipers, but nothing could erase her from my thoughts completely. All they did was push all thoughts of her to the back of my mind, and for a few picture-perfect instants I could just lie there and forget everything except the light in his eyes when he looked at me. He was my treasure. My pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and it was time I let him know that.
As I looked at him his eyes sparkled as they caught the little bit of light that filtered into the bedroom from the moonlight flowing in from between closed curtains. Pure happiness radiated from those eyes and I could feel it flowing from his hand and into me, filling me up to the brim and threatening to flow over the edge. I knew I was worried about what he was to begin with, but that worry had been completely wiped away by the love he showed me. The first kiss we had had set my body on fire and it made me wonder what the second would be like.
I leaned into him and he closed the distance between us and when our lips met it was like fireworks had gone off. The same electricity that was there the first time had returned for a second round and my body responded so strongly I couldn’t help but give into the most primal of urges. My arms wrapped around him of their own volition and I knew this was the night we were going to make love to each other for the first time, and I couldn’t have been happier about it.