Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Worst Mood Ever.....

Well, all I have heard from and I am not happy. Here is the letter they sent to me and I'll go ahead and say one thing before I show you guys what they said and you see how stupid they do sound. Firstly, I'm not going to draw out a prologue more then it's already been drawn out. And how can I draw it out without making it even more"front-loaded" than it already is. Also, YES I put a lot of thought into my titles and I'm okay with them coming up on Google and Amazon with other popular works so people see my work! Just saying this here is the letter they wrote. When you get to the end you will see how ridiculous they are, especially when apparently they have no concept of the history of London....

Dear Kindra,

Thank you for your submission to We have now had an opportunity to read your short and long pitches, and have a look at your manuscript. We are impressed with your writing potential, although we think your book is not yet ready for publication. I am writing to make a few suggestions that I hope will be helpful as your work on this book, and also as your career as a writer progresses. 

First, about the title. As you probably know, the title you have chosen is the title of a book by the French author Baudelaire. While there are no copyrights on book titles, you have to be certain you want to re-use a famous title for your own book. If you google the title, you also discover there's a recent 8-book manga series by a Korean author. That seems to be a little too many Flowers of Evil. Of course it's an easy thing to change a book title. Your series title also exists as the title of a series from the 1980s. These aren't insuperable problems, but need to be thought through very carefully.

Your short pitch, which is the first description of your book that anyone will see (think New York Times best-seller lists), comes across as a bit hackneyed. "What would you do if the fate of the world was in your hands and you can save humanity from the brink of oblivion?" This sounds like far too many action-adventure movies, and doesn't really provide that first glimpse of your heroine, your setting, or your interesting story that people want to get from a short pitch. Your long pitch was quite effective, and your bio was also well done; we could feel we got to know you.

Of course, the first few paragraphs and the first chapter are where you really hook your reader. I feel that you front-load the plot too much; by that I mean there's too much information in that first paragraph, where your protagonist is walking through a scary part of London, afraid of Jack the Ripper. Why not just let her be walking for some purpose that you develop, noting the look and feel of people and places, and make your reader wonder why she's so scared? What's she doing there, anyway? Don't be so quick to get to the fear of Jack the Ripper and talk about how he is terrorizing London; stretch out the scene. And she's headed for a gypsy camp? Really? In the heart of London? That interrupts the mood you have set up, as the reader wonders how there could be a gypsy camp in downtown London.

I hope these are useful comments to you. I do think you have a good imagination and a promising writing style, but still need some work on the story-telling process. I'd recommend you join Authonomy, where people can post their whole manuscripts and engage in feedback with other authors of similar genres. 

Best of luck with your book, Kindra. We feel you definitely have a future as an author!

1 comment:

  1. You're work is fantastic and they can suck it, it isn't going to be everyone's flavor but that doesn't take anything away from what you've created.